This Is Forever Too || Closed 

grellshitei:

_{@hanakotobawakodoku}

     _{She knew it was coming. Grell could see the feeling in Mama’s eyes, the disdain, and the calculation. Her father had been dead for over a year now, and just left her and her mother with nothing but each other, and Mama had never wanted that. Her words had always been careful around her father, but Grell knew the truth – she was unwanted.}

     _{It had been so simple for her to pick up on, but all the while Grell had been praying that she was wrong. She’d seen Mama searching through places, she’d watched her pack her day bag carefully, seen that hazy look when she loaded her into the car. They’d driven in silence like always, but that smile on her mother’s face made Grell’s little stomach churn.} 

          _{Mama, where’re we going?} 

               _{You’ll see.}

     _{Now she knew. She’d taken her to the London Eye and she’d let her have a drink all for herself, even bought her a snack just for herself; it was almost nice, but her stomach was still churning and her eyes kept nervously flickering up to her. Grell was never really a nervous girl, but somehow she’d felt like something was going to happen and it was going to be something she wouldn’t like.} 

     _{When her father had died it hadn’t been like this, that had been a horrible heart-shattering shock, but maybe this was worse because it was such a clear decision. Mama had walked her along with all the other people milling around, but then she’d just stopped. Grell had looked to her, asked if everything was okay, but she’d only nodded and ushered her towards a trashcan. The little girl had looked up to her mother, silently hoping that she was just going to tell her that she looked like a mess again.}

          _{But she didn’t.}

     _{Instead she’d straightened her hair and made sure her day bag was safely strapped to her. Then there had been that smile, the one that looked so relieved as she stood up again.} 

          _{Just wait here, you’ll be fine.}

     _{Grell had nodded and just watched, watched her turn around and walk away to disappear among the crowd. That’s when she knew. Mama had left her and she wasn’t going to come back, she didn’t want her and now she didn’t have to keep her. Of course she’d been hoping that she was wrong, hoping that she would come back – even if she was unhappy at least she wasn’t alone with Mama.}

     _{She waited for hours, exactly how many she didn’t know, but she just kept waiting. After a while she lost the will to stand and sat on the ground, leaning her head against the trashcan beside her. She pulled her bag to her chest, clutching it tightly as the tears she’d been fighting off finally started to fall.} 

     _{Grell felt pathetic, sitting alone near trash and crying her eyes out. Small whimpers left her lips as she curled up and closed her eyes. She wanted to believe that she was wrong, that Mama would come back at any moment, but truthfully she knew beyond any doubt that she never had any intention of coming back for her.}

     _{Small shoulders trembled as she tried to keep quiet, but even she couldn’t stop herself from speaking at least a little bit. “Please…please, don’t leave me here.” She knew there was no one to answer her, but she couldn’t stand the silence anymore. “I hate this day.”}

The London Eye looked like a massive, second sun against the skyline. It glittered against the golden sky of the evening, and though hordes of people piled themselves into its hefty capsules, it left Eric with a lonely sort of impression. Their warm and enthusiastic expressions contrasted starkly with the darkness in his heart, and reflected in his stormy eyes. 

How many years had it been now? He wanted to count them for the sake of feeling like he’d made progress, but didn’t. All that mattered was he’d finally be away long enough to lose count of the days.

Eric gazed up at the giant structure of the Eye, wondering what it would have been like to visit such a place with his parents. The thought made his heart twinge, just slightly, and he pushed it back into the vault of untouched memories. Let them collect dust, like the childhood he’d abandoned long ago. 

Twelve years old and alone. But not really ‘alone’. Perhaps it was more accurate to say he’d been forgotten, discarded, and it was all his own doing. Just what he expected the outcome to be when he ran away from home, he hadn’t the slightest inkling. It was likely that somewhere, in his truest heart, he hoped they would pursue him. Maybe he wanted his parents to ask him to stay, or to feel wanted. Appreciate. Needed. All of those detestable, vulnerable emotions that were essential to the human experience. Had he not been placed in an orphanage, he might never have overcome them. 

Perhaps these things lead him to approach a small girl, huddled by the trash can and with glassy, tearful eyes. There was some measure of his own experience with abandonment that he could see in her, almost like staring at his reflection in a quivering pool of murky pond: the resemblance was there, but he couldn’t quite make out the details. 

“Hey,” he stooped down to her level. “Where are yer parents? No’ all alone, are ye?”