shi-no-toge:

hanakotobawakodoku:

hanakotobawakodoku:

Entirely unaware that he had an audience, Eric kept it up. His movements were fluid, hips inspired to sway with the music and feet bouncing against the bed in time. Yes, he was the sort to go about dancing on his bed. And while he wasn’t bad at it, it seemed his balance needed a little work — for one wrong step and he was sent (in a fit of loud shouts and cursing) tumbling to the ground with a crash. Sheets tangled around his legs and hair disheveled.

Eric fought back the urge to pull away from his friend. His throat constricted and he found it difficult to continue breathing. Though he’d known his distant behavior would hurt Alan, he hadn’t considered that he’d ever have to see it in such a raw display of emotion. Now that he was, he felt disgusted with himself. 

He shifted his gaze to the billowing bed curtains and tried to swallow. Each option he considered seemed less desirable than the former. Did he dare to be honest with Alan? What good would it do if he knew, really knew how Eric felt? Would it be worth it to dry his eyes and cease his trembling cries? 

“Because,” He finally said, voice breaking, “Because I don’ want tae disappoint ye.” Honest enough. 

Alan was quiet, emptying his tears onto Eric’s shoulder, slowly calming. “How could you be a disappointment…?” he managed to say, lying heavily against the other man. “I’ve never been disappointed by you until now. You were always there to help, to cheer me. I looked forward to your presence… but now I’m so full of confused emotion… I’m disappointed that you would show me affection and then pretend it never happened.” he slowly pulled himself from Eric’s arms and lay on his side.

“I wish I could help ye understand.” Unable to be close to Alan any longer, Eric abandoned the bed. His heavy footsteps led him to the window and moonlight played against his pale skin, traces of silver reflecting in his vibrant eyes like light to rippling water. “It’s no’ as simple as you think. There’s s’ much ye don’ kno’ about me. So much tha’ could drive ye away.” He pressed his forehead flush to the windowpane. “An’ wha’ would I do…?” His gaze wandered up to the pale face of the moon. “Wha’ would I do if yer light suddenly …” He couldn’t finish the thought.