[[ The hunter and his not-so-big, bad wolf.  Art by @hanakotobawakodoku. ]]

This Is Forever Too || Closed 

grellshitei:

_{@hanakotobawakodoku}

     _{She knew it was coming. Grell could see the feeling in Mama’s eyes, the disdain, and the calculation. Her father had been dead for over a year now, and just left her and her mother with nothing but each other, and Mama had never wanted that. Her words had always been careful around her father, but Grell knew the truth – she was unwanted.}

     _{It had been so simple for her to pick up on, but all the while Grell had been praying that she was wrong. She’d seen Mama searching through places, she’d watched her pack her day bag carefully, seen that hazy look when she loaded her into the car. They’d driven in silence like always, but that smile on her mother’s face made Grell’s little stomach churn.} 

          _{Mama, where’re we going?} 

               _{You’ll see.}

     _{Now she knew. She’d taken her to the London Eye and she’d let her have a drink all for herself, even bought her a snack just for herself; it was almost nice, but her stomach was still churning and her eyes kept nervously flickering up to her. Grell was never really a nervous girl, but somehow she’d felt like something was going to happen and it was going to be something she wouldn’t like.} 

     _{When her father had died it hadn’t been like this, that had been a horrible heart-shattering shock, but maybe this was worse because it was such a clear decision. Mama had walked her along with all the other people milling around, but then she’d just stopped. Grell had looked to her, asked if everything was okay, but she’d only nodded and ushered her towards a trashcan. The little girl had looked up to her mother, silently hoping that she was just going to tell her that she looked like a mess again.}

          _{But she didn’t.}

     _{Instead she’d straightened her hair and made sure her day bag was safely strapped to her. Then there had been that smile, the one that looked so relieved as she stood up again.} 

          _{Just wait here, you’ll be fine.}

     _{Grell had nodded and just watched, watched her turn around and walk away to disappear among the crowd. That’s when she knew. Mama had left her and she wasn’t going to come back, she didn’t want her and now she didn’t have to keep her. Of course she’d been hoping that she was wrong, hoping that she would come back – even if she was unhappy at least she wasn’t alone with Mama.}

     _{She waited for hours, exactly how many she didn’t know, but she just kept waiting. After a while she lost the will to stand and sat on the ground, leaning her head against the trashcan beside her. She pulled her bag to her chest, clutching it tightly as the tears she’d been fighting off finally started to fall.} 

     _{Grell felt pathetic, sitting alone near trash and crying her eyes out. Small whimpers left her lips as she curled up and closed her eyes. She wanted to believe that she was wrong, that Mama would come back at any moment, but truthfully she knew beyond any doubt that she never had any intention of coming back for her.}

     _{Small shoulders trembled as she tried to keep quiet, but even she couldn’t stop herself from speaking at least a little bit. “Please…please, don’t leave me here.” She knew there was no one to answer her, but she couldn’t stand the silence anymore. “I hate this day.”}

The London Eye looked like a massive, second sun against the skyline. It glittered against the golden sky of the evening, and though hordes of people piled themselves into its hefty capsules, it left Eric with a lonely sort of impression. Their warm and enthusiastic expressions contrasted starkly with the darkness in his heart, and reflected in his stormy eyes. 

How many years had it been now? He wanted to count them for the sake of feeling like he’d made progress, but didn’t. All that mattered was he’d finally be away long enough to lose count of the days.

Eric gazed up at the giant structure of the Eye, wondering what it would have been like to visit such a place with his parents. The thought made his heart twinge, just slightly, and he pushed it back into the vault of untouched memories. Let them collect dust, like the childhood he’d abandoned long ago. 

Twelve years old and alone. But not really ‘alone’. Perhaps it was more accurate to say he’d been forgotten, discarded, and it was all his own doing. Just what he expected the outcome to be when he ran away from home, he hadn’t the slightest inkling. It was likely that somewhere, in his truest heart, he hoped they would pursue him. Maybe he wanted his parents to ask him to stay, or to feel wanted. Appreciate. Needed. All of those detestable, vulnerable emotions that were essential to the human experience. Had he not been placed in an orphanage, he might never have overcome them. 

Perhaps these things lead him to approach a small girl, huddled by the trash can and with glassy, tearful eyes. There was some measure of his own experience with abandonment that he could see in her, almost like staring at his reflection in a quivering pool of murky pond: the resemblance was there, but he couldn’t quite make out the details. 

“Hey,” he stooped down to her level. “Where are yer parents? No’ all alone, are ye?”

grellshitei:

     _{When he spoke she only rolled her eyes, grin still firmly in place. Without a though she hoisted herself up to sit on the corner of his desk, fingertips gently tapping on currently ignored paperwork. While she certainly would’ve liked to enjoy something a little early she thought some planning time might be better.} 

     _{After all, she needed to at least have time to make a real plan if they were actually going to have a chance to enjoy free time together. Grell didn’t want to spend time with him with some kind of concern looming over them. As long as Eric could be persuaded to actually enjoy something of a getaway just for them at least.} 

     _{“Don’t fall over,” She teased, grin widening before she gave an excited little wiggle in her seat. “Actually you and I both have about a week’s worth of time off coming up soon. So~ I was thinking we spend it out somewhere, just you and me.”}

If Eric learned anything in his time with Grell, it was never to make promises – especially those he might not be able to make good on. Well, that and open mouth kisses were out of the question; especially if he wasn’t keen on having his tongue shredded to ribbons. 

“A’right, dinnae ge’ ahead o’ yerself there, bird.” He ignored her warning openly, wagging a finger. “I could ‘ave plans, y’know.” Not that he did, but he wasn’t sure that he was ready for whatever Grell thought up for the two of them.

grellshitei:

@hanakotobawakodoku

     _{Shared time off was something that rarely found its way to them, it was even more rare to have so much on the horizon. When Grel had checked on her upcoming schedule she’d naturally checked Eric’s as well, and what she found gave her a spark of an idea. It had been so long since they’d actually had a chance to do something fun or even couple-y and with nearly a week off it would be the perfect opportunity to do something.} 

          _{Of course Eric would need convincing first.}

     _{Grell was bounding towards his office, already thinking of things that they could possibly fill their time with. Of course there would be much to do, and she was planning on enjoying it all. As long as he could actually be convinced to enjoy something romantic with her then everything would be perfect.}

     _{She bounded her way down to his office, a slight sense of giddiness making its way to the pit of her stomach. Of course she wouldn’t bother to knock, only letting herself in and flashing him a dazzling grin of razor teeth.} 

     _{She didn’t hesitate to put herself on the edge of his desk, leaning back to better face him. “So~ I’ve been looking at the new schedules and I’ve had an idea that I think you’d like to hear~.”}

An ignorant mortal with no reason to think otherwise might be under the impression that the preternatural beasts in this world were exempt from the mundane torture of desk work. Likely, the phrase ‘death god’ stirred dusty visions cloaked, hooded figures shrouded in grey mist, with the gaunt cheeks and washed complexion of a skull – even hollowed eyes that glowed such a sinister shade of crimson that it could pierce the ever tangible, fragile, human soul. Such an image might not wander too far from reality. At least, Eric thought with a wistful sigh as he signed off on a report, when considering the competent and formidable force that was William T. Spears.

How disappointing for the fools who might think of death as an escape of the unbearable burden of mortality. Those that might have ended their lives in hope of, say, the pleasure of an indulgent, eternal nap, or the suffocation of all weakness and vulnerability that came tightly wrapped in human existence, instead awoke to find themselves shackled to both their unresolved feelings and the prospect of working for the rest of forever. Retirement? Out of the question.

Eric clicked his pen between his teeth. His eyes squinted down at the report though he didn’t read it. His thoughts raced through all the things he’d like to be doing, and he decided quickly that work fell at the very bottom of the list. As if on cue, the door to his office clicked open. And there, lovely and red and looking sharper than a hunting knife, was a distraction. And what luck, his favorite kind. The lady kind.

“Oh, aye?” He leaned back in his chair so far that it teetered on its rear legs. His eyes gleamed with mischief, but the faint circles and creases beneath told the story of a man that never slept long enough in his afterlife. “If ye’re so interested in schedules, perhaps ye should ask ol’ Willie f’r th’ next one a wee bit early – migh’ jus’ be a good read.”

grellshitei:

     _{“And all I’ve done for want of with
To memory now I can’t recall
So fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all“}

With a start, Eric turned to face his dear friend. How was it that she could slip so silently after him? He laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. “A’ this time we’ve known eachoth’r an’ I never knew ye could sing like tha’.” 

grellshitei:

Grell didn’t want to think anymore. She didn’t want to listen to all the voices in her mind telling her to run, to push this away before it got to close to her heart again; just like it always had. How foolish that she should ignore them once again. 

That’s the way she was though; despite the pains that came from letting Eric so close to her heart, she still wanted him there. His gentle touch that could easily rip her to shreds; she played dangerous games with her own heart. 

Eric felt so familiar, but not in the way that way that other things felt familiar; no, with other things you could say they were familiar but you didn’t want them back because they hurt you, it wasn’t that way with Eric. He was the familiar that more often than not felt like home, like warmth, like love. She always needed him, no matter what she might’ve said. 

She had always seemed so small compared to him, with others she hated looking small, but with Eric she craved it. She wanted to know that he was safe even for her, and in some ways he was. If she ever had need of him all she’d had to do was call for him and he would sweep her way into his protective embrace, but other times having him so close meant that she got wounds of her own. How could she still love him so much?

It didn’t matter how, just that she did. 

His words spoke true of his mind as always, trying to live for the moment. However she knew that she had to think of the morning; even if she never thought about anything else, never thought anything else through, she knew that in the morning he would’ve already put her and her heart out of his mind. 

“Eric please…you’re talking about right now, but right now isn’t going to last long…Don’t promise me right now when I’m not even sure right now is going to happen…your love has always been enough for me…but I don’t know if mine has ever been enough for you.”  she murmured a mere hair’s breadth away from his lips, eyes shut as tears rolled from them.

Even intoxicated, Eric couldn’t forget the growing list of ways he had managed to disappoint her; his aloof disposition, taste for liquor, selfishness, and extreme aversion to romantic intimacy made them a terrible long-term match. He knew that he could never truly and unconditionally love her. He knew it in every bone, felt it in every microfiber of his Eric-ness. And in her teary eyes, he saw that she could no longer bear the burden of his embraces and empty promises. 

“I kno’ plen’y,” Eric replied gruffily. “I kno’ tha’ ye an’ I dinnae do well t’gether, or apart.” With all of his will power, he resisted closing the space between them. On the tip of his tongue he could already taste her. He could feel the low vibrations of her insatiable cries against his lips. “S’ why dinnae ye jus’, jus’ give in tae me, Grellie. Give me wha’ we both wan’, an’ I’ll give ye a’ th’ lovin’ ye need t’night.”